Interested in learning more about preparing for a difficult workplace conversation? Check out the webinar CharityVillage hosted with Sarah Albo, Founder of Novel HR, click here.
It’s not just a soft skill. One of the most important competencies you can bring to your workplace is the ability to handle conflict. Conversation failures are costly in terms of both financial and personal stress, so the ability to navigate them constructively is beneficial to both employees and the organization.
What is a difficult conversation? It’s essentially any conversation that we dread having or find unpleasant. In the workplace, this might be needing to give someone difficult feedback around a performance review, or establishing and communicating personal boundaries with colleagues or subordinates, particularly when dealing with invasive or inappropriate behaviour. You might need to address misunderstandings, stereotypes, or biases that may arise in a diverse workplace, or it could be addressing issues related to employees with challenging personalities, including passive-aggressive behaviour, micromanagement, or insubordination.
There is no shortage of issues we come across in the workplace, especially in the nonprofit sector where so many are dedicated to a cause, or may experience scarce resources and precarious employment. Whether it’s a conversation you dread or one that becomes challenging as it unfolds, managing conflict in your organization means that people are heard, and issues are addressed in a fair and timely manner.
Here are four key tips that not only focus on personal preparation but also consider organizational dynamics to foster constructive communication within your team.
1. Recognize the impact of culture on communication
Consider how your workplace’s culture influences communication patterns. Are there existing policies or procedures that may contribute to misunderstandings or conflicts? Are these applied fairly across all employees, including ones from made marginalized communities? Are decision-making processes inclusive and transparent? How are people who bring up issues treated? Are they labelled troublemakers, or are employees encouraged to bring their concerns forward? Looking at these factors can help you identify the root causes of conflict and get out in front of it before it becomes destructive.
It’s also important to create an environment of psychological safety as part of your organizational culture. Employees should be encouraged to express their thoughts and concerns without fear of retribution or ridicule. By fostering a culture that encourages open dialogue, you’ve got another mechanism that may prevent many conflicts from occurring in the first place.
2. Clarify your intentions and set a clear objective
Before engaging in what you believe will be a difficult conversation, take time to clarify your intentions. Defining your goals for the conversation will help you prepare emotionally and strategically. Think about what outcomes you hope to achieve and anticipate what the other person might want as well. Understanding both your objectives and the potential concerns of the other person can guide the discussion toward a more productive resolution.
Also, consider what type of conversation you are trying to have—appreciation, coaching, or evaluative. Evaluative feedback is a ranking or rating of a person’s performance, but it typically involves a judgement, which can be very hard for people to open up to – if they trust you, this kind of feedback can be helpful and taken seriously, but if they don’t it will likely lead to defensiveness or even be ignored.
It’s helpful to keep in mind that your desired outcome may need to be flexible, or in mediation, we’d talk about this in terms of interests and positions – so a position is the thing that someone wants, and the interest is how it’s going to help them or why it’s important to them. Keeping your interest in mind and your position flexible can be a really helpful way to come to a solid resolution, as there can be multiple ways to resolve something. Co-creating that with the other person can be a strategy that helps the resolution be a lasting one.
3. Engage with empathy, curiosity, and active listening
Going into what you believe will be a difficult conversation with an empathetic and curious mindset can significantly impact its outcome. Instead of framing the conversation around accusations or blame, which is likely to lead to resistance or defensiveness, approach it with curiosity which encourages a collaborative approach. Use open-ended questions to better understand the other person’s perspective. For instance, instead of saying, “You always miss deadlines,” you could try asking, “Could you share what challenges you’re facing with the current workload?”
Using empathetic communication is important to show you’re really listening, and might be phrases like:
“It sounds like…”
“I can see how you came to believe that…”
“It makes sense that…”
“Is there anything else?”
“What am I missing, or what would you like to make sure I’m understanding?”
These last two questions leave it open for them to share something that you might be missing or haven’t thought of. They’re still open-ended and leave room for the person to share something they may have been holding in for a while. This approach not only helps to uncover underlying issues but also demonstrates that you value their viewpoint.
While you’re in the conversation, even though you may have a lot that you want to get across, it’s really important that the other person feels heard and understood. It’s rare that people change just because we want them to or we tell them to, and resorting to consequences isn’t going to build trust or lead to a constructive resolution. It’s also a good idea to check in for mutual understanding and stay open to feedback from the other person throughout the conversation.
4. Tie the behaviour to an organizational outcome
When you need to address a workplace issue and are looking for changed behaviour, it can be helpful to tie it to an organizational outcome. This strategy helps get both parties working together on a shared goal – something that helps the organization or their respective roles. This might sound like:
“I’ve noticed lately that you’ve missed a couple of deadlines on the project, I’d like to talk to you about this so we can ensure everything is on track for the client and we’re not holding up the other departments, and see where I can support you on this (or where you might need additional support) – do you have a half hour at 3 pm this afternoon and we can work on this together?”
You’re naming the specific behaviour that is a problem, relating it to an organizational outcome, and inviting the person to a conversation – something that both gives them autonomy and can help build trust. You’re demonstrating that you want to work together on this.
By incorporating these five tips when you are preparing for a difficult conversation, you not only enhance your individual communication skills but also contribute to a healthier, more collaborative organizational environment. By modelling respectful dialogue and encouraging others to do the same, you help establish norms that prioritize constructive conversations. Recognizing cultural influences, clarifying intentions, engaging with empathy, listening actively, and focusing on how the behaviour change impacts and organizational outcomes can transform the way conflicts are managed in your organization.
There is a tendency to be critical of ourselves in conflict, but you can keep in mind we aren’t born with conflict resolution skills specifically, and we don’t always learn them as we go. However, we are born with curiosity, the ability to learn, listening skills, and kindness, and you can incorporate these into your workplace conversations to help keep them constructive.
Sarah Albo (she/her) is a Qualified Mediator with the ADR Institute of Canada, Certified Workplace Mediator and Trainer, HR Consultant and Psychological Health and Safety Advisor. She helps employees and organizations reduce the time, stress, and costs associated with destructive workplace conflict. She founded Novel HR to support organizations to improve the mental health and wellbeing of their employees through a focus on conflict resolution.
Sarah believes with space and support, employees can turn their destructive conflicts into constructive experiences. Through coaching and mediation, she helps employees prepare for and participate in difficult conversations for lower stress, better productivity, and leadership development. Email: sarah@novelHR.ca | Website: www.novelHR.ca
ChatGPT was leveraged for reference purposes in the development of this article.